This is a series of articles outlining the teachings of some of the world\u2019s most seminal thought leaders. We have selected those I have personally interacted with, in many cases worked with, and delivered with. We will present a one-day session in August synthesising these learnings in a highly interactive format. And this will hopefully give you a flavour of the insights in advance.<\/p>\n
Thought leader #1: Leo Buscaglia While at university, I developed an initial correspondent relationship with Leo and was baffled and buoyed by his remarkable, encompassing energy. Leo as a university professor in Southern California also taught the first college accredited course on \u201cLove\u201d. I can\u2019t help but thinking we have gone backward not forward, in not building on that vision, and not having that crucial focus area as a locus of really virtually everyone\u2019s development and education.<\/p>\n Love is learned Elie Wiesel, the great Jewish sage and educator told teachers they had to ensure they educated children in humanity and not just in facts, lest we produce more educated Eichmanns and learned monsters\u2026the \u201cover-educated\u201d and \u201cunder-humanised\u201d perpetrators of Nazi atrocities. So, life\u2019s learning journey is to learn to be human, to learn what love is and how to grow into it.<\/p>\n It is not \u201cnatural\u201d and anyone who thinks all families are wonderful role-models of loving needs to look around at this planet and the terrifying statistics of our lack of learning in terms of how to connect and communicate, and the heart-breaking debris of everything from divorces to armed conflicts.<\/p>\n Coming out of yourself Why are we trained to so earnestly and insistently need to be constantly approved of? And in seeking that approval, what parts of ourselves do we silence, numb or even kill off?<\/p>\n Leo told the story of speaking to a large crowd, and as he often did, he looked for \u201cfriendly eyeballs,\u201d people who seemed to really \u201cget\u201d the message, who seemed to be saying, \u201cGo on, go on!\u201d And in one gathering of teachers and students, he alighted upon a particularly lively set of \u201cfriendly eyeballs,\u201d and this lady seemed radiantly interested in imbibing all of his heartfelt message and outpouring.<\/p>\n Months later, when Leo was back, he asked about her, and described her to the teachers. They said this remarkable, young woman, who was literally \u201cdying\u201d of depression and isolation, a week later, had left a note and decided to end her life. Leo said he was stunned. It reminded him how easy it was to be a \u201csage on the stage\u201d and not see beyond those eyeballs.<\/p>\n He wondered what might have happened if he had followed up with her, given her his card, had a coffee with her, cried with her, put her in touch with resources who could be companions on her journey. What happened was not his fault certainly, but surely as he reminds us, we can find bridges across our own sense of isolation, to each other. As Leo says, \u201chuman being take my human hand, and perhaps we won\u2019t be as lonely anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n Work on yourself The reason to work on ourselves, to hone ourselves, to support and affirm ourselves, in part, is because you can only give away what you have and who you are. If you are demented, desperate, behind emotional bars, then your love primarily can only really afflict me, limit me, lock me up. Now if we can accept that and share it in vulnerability and humility, then the act of sharing those wounds in love becomes medicinal, as we \u201caccept\u201d these limitations, they stop \u201climiting\u201d as we support each other in them and through them.<\/p>\n And working on yourself also means to work on your talents, your callings. As best we know there hasn\u2019t been another exact you, biologically, genetically, in terms of DNA, in the history of the universe. Is that meaningful or meaningless? Perhaps there truly is a part of the human tapestry that is yours, a \u201csplash\u201d of distinctive humanity we can\u2019t get anywhere else, at work or at home, and if you don\u2019t give it to us, we lose it. And rather than extolling that and celebrating that, so much of conventional upbringing and \u201cparenting\u201d seems to be about suppressing that.<\/p>\n We are told to act conventionally, draw an accepted construct of reality, repeat accepted nostrums of how things are. And while it is natural that we must understand the conventions we may look forward to transcending, the aim is surely that, not to just kowtow to some bland sameness. That cannot be how we produce tomorrow\u2019s leaders.<\/p>\n What is really essential? The Cambodians who often slept four across on a floor, couldn\u2019t comprehend it. They asked, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t they let the poor woman in? How much space does a family with child take?\u201d They were baffled. Weeks later as Leo was leaving, someone tugged on his sleeve, still clearly very concerned, \u201cBut Leo, I still don\u2019t understand, why wouldn\u2019t they let the poor woman in?\u201d<\/p>\n Leo said when he settled into his little hut, the villagers hearing there was a stranger in their midst, all brought presents. Leo points out that as per his Western upbringing, he had been taught that if someone gives you a gift, you have to give them one in return. He had nothing to give them, so he gave them his socks and underwear! Later he told the story ruefully, wondering what he thought these villagers would use the underwear for? As hats?<\/p>\n When the monsoons came and water levels rose, these villagers gathered everything they owned, and families got on rafts together, living there together, often for months. Leo said it made him wonder, \u201cIf you lost everything Leo, what would you take? Your music system? Your TV? All your clothes? What is really essential?<\/p>\n And then a year later, back in LA, Leo\u2019s house was hit by an earthquake and he did literally lose everything. And Cambodia came back to comfort him, and all those irrepressibly smiling faces. He says he saw the sunlight through the ruins, and thought, \u201cThis beautiful world goes on Leo, with you or without you.\u201d And it also reminded me of the great Greek piece of theater, when Medea is asked, \u201cEverything is gone. Destroyed. What is left?\u201d And Medea answers, \u201cWhat is left? There is me!\u201d Amen!<\/p>\n A book everyone should read, or revisit, is the so-called \u201cchildren\u2019s classic\u201d \u2018The Little Prince\u2019 by Antoine de St. Exupery. And in it is the remarkable line, \u201cIt is only with the heart that one sees rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.\u201d Yes, what \u201cis\u201d really matters beneath the surface, our essence, our sense of being. As a marvellous San Francisco author observed, \u201cI am neither a sacrilege nor a privilege. I may not be competent or excellent. But I am present.\u201d Hallelujah!<\/p>\n Being fully alive And what do we too often teach? How to suppress, how to keep what we think and feel hidden, to build facades. We keep it in, and it implodes, and we end up medicated or in an asylum, a literal or metaphorical one. Existentialist despair surges when we become truly detached from ourselves. And one way we impoverish our inner life is by impoverishing our language. We just learn to loudly broadcast outrage. And yet we fail to relay the nuance, the richness, the full texture of what we\u2019re experiencing.<\/p>\n We chuckle at Don Quixote, Cervantes\u2019 \u201cdemented\u201d knight whose religion was civility, and who thought he could save the world by behaving as a knight and doing battle with the enemies of civility. Well, he charged windmills and got knocked on his \u201cdoopy\u201d (as Leo characterised it), but we still talk about him today. He immortalised the valour of fully showing up. He saw the beauty in an everyday woman who therefore became the beautiful, \u201cDulcinea\u201d in his eyes and eventually her own eyes. The world couldn\u2019t take it, and as this mad, glad knight passed, a light passed from the world, but some of it remained. It always does, lingering in others, the impact carries on.<\/p>\n And you wonder then as we \u201cjudge\u201d students why we seem so much better at tearing them down rather than building them up? Unfortunately, some have misconstrued that as \u201cesteem at all extremes.\u201d No, don\u2019t defraud them by destroying standards. But support them in gaining competence and being comfortable being uncomfortable as they explore doing so.<\/p>\n Why do we just write \u201cfailed\u201d or \u201cnot up to par?\u201d Why don\u2019t we first celebrate what they get right? Leo grading papers with a teacher was confounded by a student\u2019s work, and wrote enthusiastically on the paper, \u201cIt\u2019s a C paper by the requirements. Let\u2019s work on that. But, while your syntax needs work, and your punctuation seems straight out of James Joyce, your passion here blew my world.\u201d Wow! The conversation Leo said that led to. And the youngster even got turned on to Joyce!<\/p>\n If students don\u2019t learn, why don\u2019t teachers ever examine if the way they are teaching is incompetent? What if we invited everyone to excel, and made \u201cstandards\u201d a way to gain capability and did not use them as a foundation to assess worth or viability, so that in anger and self-defence we reject the standards, rather than enjoying them and expanding our competence through them?<\/p>\n So, let\u2019s support each other, as Leo tells us, by risking ourselves in growth. Let\u2019s dare to get involved in experimenting with our own lives. The opposite of love as he reminds us is not hate, it\u2019s apathy.<\/p>\n Finally, as the Zen masters teach us, all paths in life are the same. The only question to ask of any path is, \u201cDoes it have a heart?\u201d And if it does, and it calls to you, follow it with all of yours.<\/p>\n Live forward We teach each other all the time. We teach people not to trust, or that the world isn\u2019t safe, or that everyone is out for their own advantage. Or we teach civility, and trustworthiness, and kindness and understanding. As Leo says, \u201cTeach only love.\u201d Let that be our conviction and commitment. And when we fail, suffer, wail, weep, we can get in that groove for a bit, but we can also insist on learning from all of that only what serves you and humanity.<\/p>\n So, if what is essential is invisible to the eye, can the next hug be remarkable, can the next act of listening be devotional, can dinner tonight be a true sacrament? Our egos are our \u201ccaged selves\u201d as Leo points out. That inhibited and perverse part of ourselves is what gets us to build walls of isolation around us, and so the whole world is dying of loneliness, needing to get drunk or loudly obnoxious to shout out in some way, to seek to quell that infuriating emptiness. Could we not let go of the walls, burrow through them, go under them or climb over them, and allow ourselves to go more holistically, exuberantly a little \u201cnuts\u201d in terms of society\u2019s bland strictures?<\/p>\n What is essential once more we ask? Are our addictions essential? And what all am I addicted to, behaviourally and otherwise? And all these \u201cdefault settings,\u201d can I decide to outgrow them? Leo once mischievously called this, \u201cThe Paraphernalia of the Anti-Self.\u201d Oh, they all flocked to that talk!<\/p>\n But perhaps we can realize it as something simpler. As Leo says, \u201cA single rose can be my garden\u2026a single friend, my world. Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.\u201d<\/p>\n And then here\u2019s the gauntlet he throws down. As Leo reminds us, \u201cLife is God\u2019s (or life\u2019s if you prefer) gift to us. The way we live it is the gift we give back. Don\u2019t settle for anything less than the most beautiful gift you\u2019re capable of being.\u201d Let\u2019s offer it with all our bounty, as what goes out, in some ways, is also what comes back. It is the dance of life and growth.<\/p>\n Leo so magnificently taught me, through his writing and example, to \u201cbe here now,\u201d to exult in life, to celebrate it, to forgive my failures and to expect to fall flat at times, but to also love my progress and be open to succeeding, to see holiness and light in everyone I encounter, and to remember we teach all the time, every second.<\/p>\n So, let\u2019s teach civility, let\u2019s teach humanity, let\u2019s teach leadership. As he said so unforgettably, let\u2019s teach only love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This is a series of articles outlining the teachings of some of the world\u2019s most seminal thought leaders. 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\n<\/strong>Leo Buscaglia, whose name flamboyantly intoned, sounds almost like an operatic aria, became associated with the word \u201cLove\u201d as he published the first-ever book, titled \u2018Love\u2019. Hailing from the Swiss-Italian Alps, raised by remarkable, gusto-filled parents, Leo became an exemplar of drinking deeply from life\u2019s experiences, its tragedies as well as its treasures. The book went on to become a global best-seller, and established Leo as \u2018Love\u2019s Spokesperson\u2019.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Leo pointed out that \u201clove,\u201d which infiltrates and modifies virtually all of our behaviour is taught, and therefore is also learned. That also implies that \u201chatred\u201d is learned and so is \u201ccontempt\u201d and \u201cdismissiveness\u201d and \u201cjudgment,\u201d the veritable three Horsemen of our human interaction Apocalypse. But if any of this is learned it can be unlearned, and relearned, and therefore perhaps \u201clife\u201d should be at least in part a learning journey.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>A seemingly simple concept, but if we are constantly concerned by how we \u201cappear\u201d then we slavishly follow the herd. If we come out of ourselves to acknowledge others, and share our own passion for exploration, we are pulled out of the haze of perpetual ego maintenance.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>The word \u201ceducare\u201d (from which \u201ceducation\u201d comes) means to \u201cdraw out of\u201d not \u201cdump into\u201d someone. So, we are educated when our capabilities are evoked, when we truly evolve. And one way to see if we are truly evolving is to see how often we surprise ourselves with what emerges. And looked at the other way, when was someone last surprised by what you said, conveyed, did or seemingly felt?<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Years ago, well before his fame, Leo took a trip across Asia, yearning to hear the ringing of crystal clear temple bells near Angkor Wat. He went to Cambodia, and over Christmas he shared the Christmas story, of Mary having to give birth in a manger as there were no \u201crooms in the inn\u201d.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>We \u201ckill\u201d people\u2019s spirit with cruelty and spite and indifference and dismissiveness. As Leo Rosten observed, \u201cIt is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected of the strong.\u201d There is grace in gentleness, and true glory.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>It doesn\u2019t even matter who we\u2019ve hurt, we all flounder, bungle, fail. It matters that we learn not to hurt others in that way again. We take our lives in our own hands, kiss it, and go on. We find people we feel at \u201chome\u201d with, people who first put the bandages on, and hug the agony away, and then, and only then, gently yet firmly say, \u201cLet\u2019s learn from this, I did tell you so.\u201d<\/p>\n